Saturday, May 21, 2011

Rhapsodizing on the Rapture

Yes, today's the day to contemplate for a few minutes the state of your soul. Unfortunately, deathbed repentance has a low approval rating in heaven, so if you're not ready to go now, you'll be left behind with the wicked. And the Mormons, some say.

Still, if the rapture does begin today, and the Second Coming is in October--sometime between the second session of Saturday conference and priesthood meeting as I've always imagined--then today's headlines are all irrelevant. Obviously, it doesn't matter what our Israel policy is; in fact, betraying Israel seems to be part of the plan, so we're on track there. I believe, as an old 1960's bumper sticker used to say, that we should "Support Whirled Peas" and that seems to be the guiding principle of US foreign policy the last couple of years. After all, it has brought is to this point of being ready to be raptured.

But just in case--a smart person would prepare for ALL contingencies--I also intend to have some chocolate cheesecake today, and brownies with chocolate chips and chocolate frosting, maybe a little...no, a LOT of pasta, and bread...WHITE bread, plus raspberries by the handfuls, and all the chocolate cinnamon bears I can find, and maybe I'll stop by Carl's Jr. for something with a lot of bacon on it.

On the other hand, just in case somebody misread the calendar, maybe I'd better go ahead and get my Primary lesson ready for tomorrow.

3 comments:

jww said...

Funny! :) Yes, I hope you did get your Primary lesson ready... :)

Jordan Williams said...

I'm still here. I am going to make sure the tailgate of my "new" truck says Fjord instead of Ford and I want that Whirled Peas bumper sticker.

Mary said...

Mmm...I just had dinner, but now I'm craving the Carl's Jr. Guacamole Burger (with bacon), and maybe a side of cinnamon bears. Too bad those don't last long in food storage, because then I'd be looking forward to the end times.